I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i think my mom watched the whole time
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
