Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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