If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just threw up on my dentist
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
