I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
