We had to coat check the pizza.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
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there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
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Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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