yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
