I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
