Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
