i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
