STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
