he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
