Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
