How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
