i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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