we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
