Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
