Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
