Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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