i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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