she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
