shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
