Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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