Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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