im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
