Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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