What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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