Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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