shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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