that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
