Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
