So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
