i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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