I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
