I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
