I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
