Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
