The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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