Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
