I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
