My Higher Power is John Stamos
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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