I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
