remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
