Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
