I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
