cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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