I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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