Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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