it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
