I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
