Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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