Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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