i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
