Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The best revenge is premature balding
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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