OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
