that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have fence marks all over my body
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
