Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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