i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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