Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
