yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
