Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
