It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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