this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
