I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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