just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You ruined the universe
Randomize
