In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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